12 March 2005
Jon Walker
Store Manager
Kmart store 4855
Summit Ridge, Reno, NV, 89503

Mrs. Fenton
35 Rasmussen Street
Moores Park, Reno, NV, 89503

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

During the preceding 6 months our security staff has been monitoring your husbands activities while in our store. The list below details his offences, all of which have been verified by our surveillance cameras and we have retained copieson tape.

We have repeatedly given your husband verbal warnings while he is in this store and he has subsequently ignored them. He replied to these warning with rudeness and the response “while the wife shops here I will come here too”. Weare therefore forced to ban you, your husband and your family from this store.

The following list details your husbands activates in this store over the past six months.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what happened.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.

September 14: Moved a 'Caution -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'dinvite the in if they'll bring pillows.

September 23: If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?”

October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.

November 10: While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.

December 18: Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

December 23: Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled,very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

John F. Walker
Store Manager
Kmart store 4855
Store Phone: (775) 746-4700
SUMMIT RIDGE, RENO, NV, 89503 Pharmacy Phone: (775) 746-3030

Wise,
я на миниатюре ничего не вижу.Слишком мелко.

Я все равно не вижу :-(
Попробуй залить картинку на imageshack.us,не уменьшая изображения.

The New York City Public Schools have officially declared Jewish English,
now dubbed Hebronics, as a second language. Backers of the move say
the city schools are the first in the nation to recognize Hebronics as a
valid
language and a significant attribute of American culture.. According to
Howard Ashland, linguistics professor at Brooklyn College and renowned
Hebronics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebronics derives from
middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish.

Professor Shulman explains, "In Hebronics, the response to any question
is usually another question with a complaint that is either implied or
stated.
Thus 'How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be, with my bad feet?'
Shulman says that Hebronics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing
sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh"
or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You should
want a nosebleed?"

Another Hebronics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end,
with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress."
Shulman says one also sees the Hebronics verb moved to the end of the
sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as "He's slow as a turtle,"
could be: "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."

Shulman provided the following examples from his best-selling textbook,
Hooked-On Hebronics:

Question: "What time is it?"
English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
Hebronic response: "What am I, a clock?"

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."
English answer: "Thanks."
Hebronic response: "I should be so lucky!"

Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready."
English answer: "Be right there."
Hebronic response: "All right already, I'm coming. What's with the 'Hurry
up?
Is there a fire?"

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; I wear it all the time."
English answer: "Glad you like it."
Hebronic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I
gave you?"

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."
English answer: "Congratulations!"
Hebronic response: "She could stand to lose a few pounds."

Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"
English answer: "Just say when."
Hebronic response: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?"

To the guest of honor at a birthday party:
English statement: "Happy birthday."
Hebronic statement: "A year smarter you should become."

Remark: "A beautiful day."
English answer: "Sure is."
Hebronic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"

Answering a phone call from a son:
English answer: "It's been a while since you called."
Hebronic response: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead already?"

Email, shmemail! Luck and happiness will...

Hi, everybody!
Here is a joke for you to smile :-)

The Husband Store!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

"You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor,
but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building!"

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Ha-Ha. Very funny. Knocked me out.:-D :lol:

It's nice you liked it. Several years ago I used to have many penpals. They liked sending loads of jokes and pics. From time to time I reread it, some of them are quite funny. :mrgreen:

Hi! Is this one only topic that people speak in english ? Maybe new section should be provided for us :) It's really good forums, first I found some useful books to download but we need 5 posts, and I can't write in russian by using cyrylic ;/ I can read but hardly :(

superfly86,
You are welcome to our forum.
First of all try to correct your mistakes in your post, OK?

Misspells, not mistakes. :wink:

We provided for a function called "translite" - in that so you may write in Russian with latinian layout and before you post use the "Транслит" button. :)

vengeance,
Those are namely mistakes, I mean in grammar. And also some misspells :-)

gremar,

Then calling them "typos" would be more appropriate. :mrgreen:

Hi everybody! I'm start leaning English too :-)

Hi forsyte. "I'm starting to learn english too" sounds quite better, don't you think? :wink:

Hi everybody. It`s a great idea to start learning English together. May be we`ll meet in GB.

19th, Hi and welcome,
Couldn't agree with you more:-)
I'm looking forward to it. :wink:

Nice :-)

One more remark: it´s laZy, not lasy

Hi, everybody! I am glad to join your forum!

Who's able to explain what exact rule applies when past tense plural/singular form of "be" is being used with subjunctive, e.g. "If he weren't so mean, he would buy one for me", while "If he wasn't so mean, he would buy one for me" is actually also correct, although in private conversation likely. And why it doesn't work with "If i were you"?

I think it's an exception.

Hi mnnmn, and thanks for your reply. Were you referring to "If i were you" construction as an exception, or the whole matter?

I'm start leaning English too :mrgreen:

This is the case of the present-unreal condition. We use the simple past tense after if. In the case of the verb to be we use a special (subjunctive) form in all if clauses.
If I were
you were
he, she were
we were
they were

Just for fun :-)


A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

gremar,

I'm aware of that all right. Although it's more like an assertion of a fact, rather than explanation. :wink: Honestly, i'd like to know exactly why it is the way it is, and why both "If he weren't" and "If he wasn't" forms are grammatically acceptable. Thank you for replying however.

Hmmm.. mice , sorry nice chat. And in English!! Great. I don't mind chatting in English, do you need good Company??

vengeance, technically speaking "If he wasn't" is incorrect, in accordance with classic English grammar. Consider its acceptability as a natural language evolution.

name777,
Ok, granted. ;) Any language, being spoken on, evolves. Though, where did it came from, i mean, using plural form in all if-else instances?

OK, if you're wondering about the nature of such rule - it's in fact not the past simple (indicative) form of a verb, but rather a form called "past subjunctive". "If I were" - is remnants of older rules about this form.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subjunctive_mood

name777,
Great article, m8. I loved following phrase the most: Although the subjunctive seems to be disappearing from the speech of many, its use is still the mark of the educated speaker. :)

And to make things clearer, this is not exactly a "past subjunctive", it's just subjunctive, and it is often being mistaken for past tense indicative:

Thanks for linking me to it. Cheers. :beer:

Wow!
 

I stopped in to see what you were learning about English and found that I barely remembered much of it! I'm very impressed!

Please, any body - HELP!!! where can I find anything, that's connected with BANK ENGLISH!! pleaseeeee!!!! help help help

evakar, look at this post. Every item in the list is downloadable, see the links in this topic.
Hope, you find something useful.

Hi. It's very interesting and useful forum, especially this chat.:25:
I'm trying to learn English. May I ask you some help in it? (sorry for my English, pls)

+1
I`m very difficult. When I`m reading I understand everything. But I cann`t to speak. I talk quickly in Russian. But I don`t have time to think and to talk In English.
I don`t have the dictionary supply and I have to use a translator very often.
I was writing this massage very long.

You will be fine, please don`t worry too much. I noticed that many people are afraid to speak English, thinking that others will see thier mistakes. Learning in my opinion, its a way of improving yourself making a lot of mitskes. And you know, one day you will realize you feel confident about what you do and the fears will melt away. Just keep trying no matter how difficult its seems for now. Do yourself a favor and learn ten new words every day.Our brain is the excelent divice for discovering of how much we can do. The faith, the persistence and the will power really make wonders. Good luck!

evakar,
Hi, "bank english" covers a lot. Do you need specific terms or a dictionary/vocabulary/glossary in general that covers every sphere of finance? Whenever you need to find the right terminology, I'd recommend to go to the financial websites, they usually provide glossaries that you can download (e.g., World bank, IMF, search for English-Russian glossary). I am pretty new in this forum, so I can't give you any links. Sorry.

Hi guys I'm from Ukraine
& I wanna know english really good
No one ever knows what's the day will bring
But Maybe tomorrow everyone will be perfekt!

Hi, I'm from Ukraine and try to learn English.
I'm not school age and so teachers don't help me now.
I use English TV-shows with subtitles as manual. "House M.D." for example or "Greek" and "90210".
Just choose one interesting for you and it will no any language borders. Nearly.
:)

Hi everydoby!
Nice to see such a useful theme!!!
I believe that through united efforts we'll develop our language skill!!!

Hi everydoby = Hi everyboney
it's like a mistake isn't it?

klodetta,
Where are you from tell something about you
I'm sure that can't be different

Hello, everybody! I'm from Russia ))) I have been studing English since I was a baby ))) I think so )) So it's like my second native language... But every time I find out so much interesting in English so i guess i will never stop ))))
Btw, now i'm trying to teach my 4 month son )))) He likes song about Humpty Dumpty )))) Oh, just forgot - I'm an English teacher, so i hope my being here will be useful for somebody ))))

OKAY it sounds interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-)

Wow! You practice English here! Cool! Can I join?
I have not such a bad level of English, but still I need to improve.
So how do you improve your skills? Reading, watching movies or listening to some audio course? Or may be chatting with native speakers?

Hi! Cool idea - to learn English like this!:25: Actually I'm new here so I feel a bit confused((( :oops: I hope u don't mind my writing here)

Hello everyone! Practicing english could really be a problem as we do not have many englisg-speaking people around and hardly any opportunity to hear it in real life. We could chat here! Practice makes it perfect.

Hi guys ;)

I have some English practice in my University, where some subjects are taught in English; still, why not practice some more? )

Hello to everyone.. and good luck with learning! When I was learning English, I read children's books and watched cartoons. Language was much easier to understand and it is also easy to associate pictures with words.


Yenn

Lets speak English Английский клуб
 

people
Tell to me please why English became an international language? Who has thought up it and why to it has occurred to make those English?
Why not Russian? It would be interesting to learn to speak Russian all planet:-

I am not right?:-

well we can start, but let me tell you that e-translators are terrible!

this sentence "But remember, the main issue here - talking in the very same language you're learning; this, mostly, is the main idea here." has no sense at all :-)

so would be better if you change the topic I mean just English part of your topic

Dear friends,
there is quite a good English club in Moscow, where they gather once a week in a cafe and speak english in a friendly home atmosphere. If you are registered in vkontakte here is the link for the group))
/vkontakte.ru/kitesclub
good luck!

Helloy. Well. I want to smaile with you too)
Расскажите, пожалуйста, про преодоление барьера в языке.

Hi people, i am first that writing a post this year. Happy passover.