Lets Speak English (Английский клуб) Part 2

[Kshatrini]

A Virgin's Nightmare

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist
it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back,
"I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

*****

[Kshatrini]

"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500.00."

"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000..."

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye...I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[Kshatrini]

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''

[Kshatrini]

A 15 years old guy fell in love with a girl lives in the nighbourhood, once he stayed for evening with his Dad and had a frankly conversation with him while his mother was out.

Dad : Tell me son about your life , any girl there ?
Son : Yes Dadi .. I had one .. Jackie Thomson, you know her ? I am in love with her and I think we will get married at the end !
Dad : Who ?? Jackie ?? get married ??? how ?? you can't my son ! she is your sister ! and he told him the full story and the boy got shocked !

After few days, the mum realized that there's something wrong with her son, she got into his room and insisted to know the full story,at the end he told her what his father told him about Jackie then she smiled and told him : "don't worry my son , you can get married to Jackie, he is not your father ! "

[Prince77]

Thanks all for having a thread in english. I cannot write in Russian.
Well I know very well russian language and wanna make friends here.

If anybody, wants to make friendship with me, pls PM me.

My name is Prince from India, living in Japan.

Thanks all.

[влад12]

What do you mean about this one PM

[Icequeen]

влад12,
do you mean personal message?

[innusian]

People, help me to find any english-english dictionar,pls.

[tanitka]

I'm looking english-english to...

[tanitka]

help me to find english-english dictionary of phrasal verbs, pls.